32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
