I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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