Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
