We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
