Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just gargled with NyQuil
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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