i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
