YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
