we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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