Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
