When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
