I should be sponsored by Trojan
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
