Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I need a beard to bite.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
