Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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