I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
