Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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