I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
