just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
