i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
