if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
