you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
