Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
