you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
