I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
