I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
