I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
