if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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