So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
