drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
