i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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