i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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