I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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