I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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