well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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