My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
