just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
