My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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