i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
