i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
