I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
