Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
