a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
