You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
