ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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