okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
