Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
