Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
