He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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