To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
