Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
