I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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