we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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