I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
